Sunday, November 21, 2010

Lifeless Breathing

The big enticing artistic clock hanging on the wall is singing its same old tic-tic song. It is never tired of that melody which has already irritated me from some time. A slight amount of sunlight from the gigantic sun is peeking through the small crack of the wall making some objects visible in this dark room, I am in. The mere sunlight that has come through is providing further evidence to the clock’s display that it is 11 of morning.

All I can see is the blurry image of the things. In spite of that, I can easily say that I am inside the room with medical facilities, thanks to the slight illumination of the sun which is making some medicines and bandages observable. Furthermore, I can also see the room is so messed up and the pathetic smell of the medicines to my nose is making me feel edgy.

I can’t sense my lower half. I can neither move my hands nor can I move the neck. I am fixed. I can perceive some wires connected to my chest and a bottle of saline water, hung in the stand near to me, is being emptied slowly which, I can vaguely say, has connection to my wrist. I am intuiting the sound of the instruments behind me but hardly can see them as my vision is limited to only direction that is forward. I am definitely sick. No doubt.

I am not sure who I am. I even don’t know my appearance.  If someone comes with my portrait asking if I know that very person, I would confidently say, “NO.” I do not know since when I am here and how many times I have actually gained this consciousness.  I am even unfamiliar with the time that I have gained this latest mindfulness. It was dark when I woke up, no sunlight was inspecting me from outside. Literally, I am awake from the night time and it is morning now; 11.05 is what clock says exactly.  And I am not stunned to not see anybody in this chamber from then.

If someone does come and notice my breath and my moving eyes, s/he would certainly be happy and claim that I have come to life. But I have a different notion. I would say,” The fact that I’m breathing does not mean I am living. It is just a small hint that I am not dead yet.”

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